The Strength of Forgiveness

The Torah is told through Jacob’s perspective. He is the patriarch of what becomes the people of Israel. His brother Esau on the other hand is the father of our future enemies.

And yet I find myself admiring Esau and not Jacob. Esau is a man of action. Jacob is ruled by fear. The Torah notes his fear on a number of occasions. We read, “Jacob was greatly frightened.” (Genesis 32)

Here is what brings them to this current fear filled moment. After twenty years of living apart, the two brothers are about to meet. Jacob stole the firstborn birthright from Esau by conspiring with their mother and tricking their blind father. (As my bar mitzvah student rightly noted, “Lying to your blind father is really bad.”) Esau then threatens to kill Jacob and so he runs away. There he was married, fathered many children and gained considerable wealth. Esau also achieved success.

Now Esau is marching towards his brother. He is accompanied by 400 men. Jacob assumes the worst and apparently thinks, “My brother has finally come to kill me.” We know little of Esau’s inner thoughts. And yet we can discern something of his feelings from what he does.

The Torah’s language suggests Esau loves his brother and is overwhelmed by feelings of “I have missed you so much.” Listen to the staccato beat of action.

“Esau ran toward Jacob. He embraced him. He flung himself upon his neck. He kissed him.”

The Torah makes plain. Jacob does not apologize for his past misdeeds. For Esau such an apology appears unnecessary.

I can imagine the scene. Jacob bows low as his brother approaches. As Esau draws closer, Jacob stands in place, unable to move, terrified that his earlier deception might still lead Esau to carry out his twenty-year-old threat. Esau grabs hold of his brother in an embrace. And yet Jacob is still frozen by fear. He thinks, “Maybe he means to cut my neck.” (Fear misdirects the imagination.) Esau now throws himself on Jacob’s neck. He kisses him over and over again.

In the Torah the word for kiss has unusual markings. There is a dot over each letter. There are several interpretations of these markings. Many traditional commentaries suggest that Esau hesitated. This is because they see Esau in a negative light. They assume the best about Jacob and the worst about Esau. (A history of hatred and persecution by the descendants of Esau finds its way into generations of interpretations.)

The rabbis argued that even when Esau was in Rebekah’s womb he was bent on wrongdoing and attracted to idolatry. Jacob on the other hand was drawn to Torah study and the houses of learning that taught it from his earliest days. In a sense, he loved Torah from conception. And our destinies were sealed from birth.

I think however that the Torah’s language suggests otherwise. Jacob allowed fear, and perhaps even regret, to rule his life. He stood frozen before his brother. Esau kissed him again and again until the Torah states: “They wept.” The tears were unleashed by Esau’s courage and action. He would not let go, he would not stop kissing his brother, until they both cried.

It is bewildering that our forefather Jacob is gripped by fear while Esau makes all the moves. Our hero stands mute. Our nemesis is courageous and forgiving.

Both examples are contained in our sacred Torah.

These days I am drawing strength from Esau’s example. I do not wish to be ruled by fear.

There is courage and strength in the embrace of forgiveness.