Take Less Selfies!
A few years ago, Susie and I visited Mystic Seaport. It was not a planned getaway. We had spent a few days with family in Provincetown and had arrived several hours early for our return ferry to Orient Point. We walked through town and made our way to the 100-year-old Mystic River Bascule Bridge. There, I struggled to take a selfie of Susie and me. After several attempts of trying to make my arm longer, a twenty-something year old walked over and asked, “Would you like me to take a picture of the two of you?” “Yes, please,” we said in unison.
We are not of the selfie generation. We are far more comfortable turning the camera outward. Does this make us old? Yes, absolutely. Does this make us wise? Perhaps.
In my seventh-grade class, I give students the opening minutes to hang out, enjoy each other’s company, and eat pizza. In those first few moments I discover what is going on in their lives. They share what they are doing in school and what after school activities they are involved in. They often talk about what they are excited about and in addition, what they are worried about.
They also often spend time on their iPhones. (Once the lesson begins their phones must be placed on another table.) They play games and take pictures of themselves. They examine the pictures to determine which is the most flattering. They ask their friends to weigh in. “Do I look better in this picture or that one?” One time, I somewhat innocently asked, “Is there ever a day when you don’t take a picture of yourself?” The students looked at me incredulously. “No, rabbi!”
I found their candid admission revelatory. How does the world look if it is filled with so many pictures of ourselves? What effect do all these selfies have on our children? What happens to self-esteem when people worry too much about how they appear to others?
In the Torah we discover a similar dilemma. Moses sends twelve scouts to reconnoiter the land before the Israelites are set to march across the border. Joshua and Caleb return with positive reports. The remaining ten suggest that the land is filled with giants and that there is no way the people will succeed in conquering the land of Canaan. They conclude, “And we looked like grasshoppers to ourselves, and so we must have looked to them.” (Numbers 13)
How could they possibly now how they appeared to the Canaanites? They could not. And yet their worry with how they look, their obsession with how they appear to others, distracts them from their God given mission. The Hasidic rabbi, Menahem Mendl of Kotzk, imagines God asking, “Why are you so concerned about how you look in the eyes of the Canaanites, to the point that it distracts you from your sacred task?”
When we turn inward too much, we lose sight of not only what is happening around us but the needs of those around us. Our sacred task is to better our world, to ease the pain of those closest to us as well as lift them even higher when they rejoice. (You cannot hoist yourself in a chair for the hora!). If we worry about how we appear to others, we forget about the needs of others.
From where can we draw strength?
The Psalmist teaches: “I turn my eyes to the mountains;/ from where will my help come?/ My help comes from the Lord,/ maker of heaven and earth.” (Psalm 121)
Turn the camera outward. Look to the world for inspiration. And there find God’s light.
My favorite photographer is Neil Folberg. I discovered his work years ago when I wandered into his studio. His black and white photographs appear to shine with color. I admire how light dances among the trees.
I wonder if the solution is simple and staring back at us. Use the selfie button less.
A stranger offered help. And she captured the best picture.
It is the response of others and the response to others that makes our world whole.