Carrying Grief, Lifting Together

Some of parents’ fondest memories are those times when they held their infant children and paced the room trying to soothe them. We often forget the screaming and crying, the lateness of the hour and even the smelly diaper. Instead, our memories tend to dwell on the softness of their skin next to ours and the weight of the babies in our arms.

In ancient times, the Levites carried the tabernacle, transporting it from one encampment to the next. Why does the Torah insist they had to carry the mishkan? As one study partner added, “Why didn’t God tell them to add wheels to the portable sanctuary?” That would have made their journeying so much easier.

One answer is that easy is not the goal. It does not appear to be part of God’s vocabulary. Is parenting easy? Of course not. Just ask my brother’s mother and father! Easy rarely coincides with meaningful. As children grow older, carrying transitions from the physical to the emotional. As we grow older, carrying sometimes moves to the shoulders of our children.

The Levites were specifically charged with carrying the tabernacle. It was broken into its constituent parts for transport. Later the Torah reports, “You shall put the Levites in charge of the tabernacle, all its furnishings, and everything that pertains to it: they shall carry the tabernacle and all its furnishings.” (Numbers 1)

There is an intimacy suggested by carrying. Parents don’t allow anyone, and everyone, to carry their children. The tabernacle was the Levites’ responsibility. Its weight was their blessing. In addition, the mishkan could not be carried by one person alone. Heavy lifts should be shared.

They must be shared. Too often people try to do all the carrying themselves.

Think about grief and mourning. Even though it might be an individual’s obligation and we frequently cry when alone, Judaism suggests that we should not mourn by ourselves. Reciting the Mourner’s Kaddish requires a minyan of ten, the minimum number for a community. It is a fascinating philosophical statement. It is as if Judaism says, “You may feel like being alone or maybe even think you should be left alone, but we are not going to do that. We cannot do that. Never forget, even though you might be the only one standing, you are always surrounded by the love of your congregation.” The Mourners’ pain remains their own, but the weight of their grief is carried by others. There is a little bit on this person and another fraction on another.

Together we can lift what may seem unimaginably heavy.

There was gold, silver and copper used in the building of the tabernacle. The gold alone weighed 87,730 shekels which is equivalent to 21,933 pounds! And still the Levites lifted and carried it on their shoulders. It was not one person’s job, but the entire tribe’s. Together they lifted and carried the tabernacle—despite its heaviness.

And there are moments when the demands of parenting seem unimaginably heavy. The weight of the responsibilities can feel crushing. There are moments when the demands of caring for elderly parents, or sick relatives, seems impossibly heavy.

Remember this. Even when it appears like there is no one to help, there is. Recall the message of the minyan. Even when you might be the only one standing, there are others who are offering their support and concern. There are others who can help.

And always remember, “The Presence of the Lord filled the tabernacle.” (Exodus 40)

Why? Why was the mishkan filled with God’s presence?

Because we carried it together.