Ask Your In-Laws

The relationship to in laws is often filled with tension. The family to which one becomes a part has different customs, and even rules, than the family in which one was raised. Both think their way of doing things is the right way or so it appears to the so-called newcomer. There is rarely a perfect melding of families. Sometimes there are jealousies. Other times there are resentments.

This is why it is so surprising to read that Moses leans on the advice not of his father, but of his father-in-law Yitro, for whom the portion is named. Granted Moses’ father was not part of his life because of Pharoah’s threat to kill all the first-born Israelites. The Torah’s hero was raised by his adopted Egyptian family from whom he then fled because he killed one of the taskmasters. Now we find him in Yitro’s house.

Who else could Moses go to for aged wisdom? He could have asked God who burdened him with the task of leading the Israelites out of slavery. Instead, he turns to Yitro. And we quite frequently gloss over this relationship because it is mentioned in the same portion that details the revelation on Mount Sinai and the words of the Ten Commandments.

We read: “Moses’ father-in-law said to him, ‘The thing you are doing is not right; you will surely wear yourself out, and these people as well. For the task is too heavy for you; you cannot do it alone. Now listen to me. I will give you counsel.’” (Exodus 18)

Like any good in-law, Yitro offers unsolicited advice. And like any good son-in-law Moses is at first resistant. Moses argues that he is the one whom God has chosen and that only he can discern God’s will when adjudicating disputes among the people. Moses responds with a considerable amount of “I’s.” Yitro reminds him that other people can help. He can delegate. He does not need to get it all done himself.

This stands in stark contrast to the tradition’s praise of Moses. There we read of his unparalleled humility. I am wondering if he learned that here and now. He learned humility not on the top of Mount Sinai communing with God but instead at the feet of his father-in-law.

The Torah proclaims, “Moses heeded his father-in-law and did just as he said.”

And now I am wondering if that’s all it takes to let go of the tension and dispense with the jokes about in-laws.

Or as my father-in-law likes to advise, “Never pass on dessert. And aways pay in cash.”